smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
