I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
