.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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