So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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