Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
