part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
