so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
