im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
