In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
