turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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