M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
