did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
