You smell like stripper and shame
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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