i was rollin on her like bob the builder
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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