I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
