yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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