you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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