Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
