Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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