they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
