somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
