it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
this boner is exhausting
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
