Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize