We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
