seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
