i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize