grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
