i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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