Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
