Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize