he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You did what with his pubic hair?
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