So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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