i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
