Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
