I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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