You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
