when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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