why didn't you poke me back
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
