i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
