I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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