I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
organizing the empties. That sober.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
