I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
