just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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