I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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