She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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