is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize