I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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