That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
