I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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