At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
