his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
