she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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