Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
