His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
