His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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