We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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