I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
