He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
