I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
