you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
