someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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