She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
