I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
