I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
