I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize