Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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