He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
