You really coming over, don't trick.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize