Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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