My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
