Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
