I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize