the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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