im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
