just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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