Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
