we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
