she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
