i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
